Confessions of The Balanced Homeschooler

As our family has continued to help Evan work through his health challenges, it occurred to me recently that what we are really doing in their education is not homeschooling but heartschooling.  We have been anywhere but "home" over these past several weeks and it will continue to be as such for the coming months.  So education takes place wherever my children's hearts are beating and not necessarily in any one location.

Sometimes we can get hung up on the physical limitations of our homes and our resources and think...

• "If only we had more space...."
• "If only I had better desks for the kids..."
• "If only I had a wall unit big enough for all of our books..."
• "If only I had that really great, but expensive, curriculum..."
• "If only, if only, if only..."

But we can have awesome curriculum, sensibly arranged spaces, and slick tools and gadgets and yet still fall short on our schooling goals.  Why is this?  It's because all of these considerations are simply tools that help us achieve our educational goals with our children; they are not ends in and of themselves.  Bigger, shinier, and more expensive is not always better and seeking out these things can often times interfere with what is really important.

Conducting school in various places for our family, we are compelled to trim our books, tools, and materials down to the essential minimum so my roller box is manageable.  In the process of doing this, we are able to get down to the essentials of what needs to be done and distractions are held at a minimum.  So what not call it Roller-boxschooling?  Because, ultimately, our schooling should not be tied to geography.  Instead, no matter where you heartschool, remember that your home is just a place but your destination is the hearts of your children.

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Mark Twain once said, "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."  It is a thought that every homeschooling mom should ponder seriously and ask, "What requirement am I placing importance on in my homeschool that is interfering with my child's education and love of learning?"  Even as so-called "modern" homeschoolers, we often times overlook applied wisdom from the past that we can incorporate into our daily teaching techniques that will bring both joy and sanity to our program. 

If you have ever read the "Little House on the Prairie" series with your kids, you probably paid special attention to the sections where Laura Ingalls went to school and then later became a teacher herself.  One of the things that struck me several years ago when I was reading these books to Evan, our oldest son, was how the children went to school to "say their lessons" rather than to "do school".  School didn't so much follow them around begging for constant attention as it does today.  Rather it was a place to demonstrate mastery for a period of time before the child moved on to the next teaching point and then, later, moved on with their day.

Today, homeschoolers who appreciate this idea of "saying" lessons rather than requiring the child to engage in busy work is representative of the "Charlotte Mason" method.  It may surprise to you realize that, even though we primarily follow a classical model, Charlotte Mason is alive and well in our program.  When I was in the hospital last fall with Evan for days upon end, it suddenly hit me one day during an English lesson with him that we really just needed to start "saying" his lessons.  So, with the exception of diagramming and writing-related assignments, we started "saying" his lessons by talking through them.  I found that he mastered concepts just as well or better and we didn't bog ourselves down with any unnecessary requirements to write it down.  I also apply this with our younger boys as well, when it is appropriate.  That way, any time they spend actually writing is a valuable exercise and not just "twaddle".  

So in addition to "saying" as many lessons as you can, here are a few other "twaddle reduction" ideas:

• Narration, dictation, and copy work are also additional Charlotte Mason methods we use to teach writing, observation, and listening skills. Just use good books you are already reading to them for these tasks rather than adding new materials to their plate.
• Instead of doing full written assignments, have your child use note cards to jot down important learning points for math, science, English, history, etc.  This is especially useful for our "Structured" learners.
• Make pre-made, lined assignment sheets on your computer rather than using blank paper that the child needs to "set up" every time they write their work down. 
• If your child is overwhelmed by long math, spelling, or vocabulary tests or drills, don't require them to do it all in one sitting.  Break it up throughout the day or over a few days.
• Use audio tools like tapes, CDs, recorded messages, etc. to aid your child at home when you are not available or when you are out and about in the van.  Audio tools are particularly good for "Moving" and "Community" learners.
• Find more information about streamlining your teaching techniques or about learning styles by reading chapter four of The Balanced Homeschooler Manual. 

As we are back in the hospital again with Evan for his next phase of cancer treatments that will eventually preapre him for a bone marrow transplant, I am reminded of the benefit of "saying" our lessons and avoiding "twaddle".  So look for opportunities to eliminate unnecessary elements that may be cluttering your child's assignments so you too can make sure that the "schooling" you require does not interfere with their "education".

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One day a few years ago when attempting to stress the value of bringing a good attitude into a school assignment our oldest son was struggling with, it occurred to me that it was an issue of "buckets".  The image of me (i.e. the teacher) lugging a bucket full of information, directions, and skills to the loft (i.e. our classroom) came sharply into focus as I realized that I had nowhere to put its contents!  Unless our son (i.e. the student) brought his "bucket", full of importance, cooperation, and energy to "activate" the contents of my "bucket", we weren't going to get anywhere. 

Often times, we lug our "bucket" around thinking it is enough.  But it is not.  Without our child bringing his "bucket" to the table, we will not make the progress that we know they are capable of making.  We can bring the abilities and the teaching to them, but if they don't place importance on the learning that is ahead of them, we will be stuck.  Ultimately, it is like having an un-watered seed that is full of potential but remains untapped until the right ingredients are introduced to it.

So if this describes your homeschool environment take these suggestions to heart:

1.  Ensure your child understands that you are God's agent.  Sometimes we get stuck using the age-old phrase, "do this because I said so!"  When we make our children believe that we are the end-all, be-all of the line of authority that controls their life, we are doing them a disservice and are misrepresenting our role in the process.  Instead, make sure that they understand that parents are accountable to the Lord for how they raise and educate their children.  So emphasize to them that when they don't cooperate with you, they are really being uncooperative with the Lord.  Similarly,  when they don't place the proper importance on an assignment that they should, they are really sending a message to the Lord that they, not His parental agents, know what is best.  

2.  Know what motivates your child.  Different kids are motivated by different things.  So be sure to tie your expectations for their academic performance to something that is important and precious to them.  Make sure they understand that they need to fill their "bucket" with the focus and enthusiasm necessary to fulfill their responsibility to "receive the teaching", as we say in our home.  If this doesn't happen, then whatever extra activity or experience that they value will not take place that day.

3.  Make sure your "bucket" has a reasonable content level in it.  Often times, we can frustrate our children when we have a substantial list of assignments and expectations that look fabulous on paper but in reality are very difficult for your child to fulfill in a reasonable amount of time.  Even a motivated child can become discouraged if it seems like the day's "ability bucket" never seems to be completely or even mostly empty.

It has been said that education is the "lighting of a fire", which is true.  Yet, we all know that "buckets" are involved as well.  So, once both parties know what to put in their "buckets", when to bring them to each other, and how to mix them together, the homeschooling day and related learning priorities will progress at an appropriate pace for both the teacher and the student.

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You will notice that I have not posted a blog here in some time.  In the fall of 2010, our oldest son, Evan, was diagnosed with Burkitts Lymphoma/Leukemia.  Needless to say, it has been an extremely challenging season for our family and we needed to pull back from just about everything we were doing prior to that time.  Except for taking care of our three boys' physical needs, teaching them in a more limited manner, and maintaining my husband's job, our primary focus was to help our son and his brothers work through this very difficult period.*

Yet, during this trial, the Lord has so graciously sustained and encouraged us.  He has brought forth an amazing community of love and support through friends, family, neighbors, and even strangers.  His faithfulness has been declared time and again throughout the many details and events we experienced as we have helped Evan and I am here to say several months later that we are stronger for it.

When all else seemed foreign, homeschooling remained constant.  Although we were not able to continue our regular schedule or accomplish certain things we had planned for the year, all of the basics were consistently covered for all three of our boys and they have thrived in spite of the emotional and logistical challenges that come with caring for a child with cancer.  Being able to move at a pace conducive to each of them has not only kept their sense of purpose and stability in place, but has also enabled us to grow closer in our various relationships with each other.  Not one of us is the same as we were this time last year.

So remember that when difficulties come, as they always do in some form, that you must (among others) do four things.

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Without a doubt, just like his dad, our oldest son's love language is "acts of service".  From the time he was very young, we noticed how he always loved to do things for other people.  Whether helping to organize a drawer, put away groceries, or pick up the back yard, he has consistently looked for ways over the years to do things for other people.  When you have a child whose love language is "acts of service", there are a couple of points to keep in mind.  First, don't forget to offer your thanks and praise to your child for putting others first.  It is often easy to overlook letting them know how much you appreciate them since you are so used to seeing them do things for other people and it can become commonplace to you.  Second, remember that your child experiences love best when you in turn show your love to them through "acts of service".  This is the child who will notice that you consistently provide dinner for them or make sure they have clean laundry every week.  Look for small ways throughout the week to do out-of-the-ordinary acts of service too and see how you will feed your child's love bank account.  For example, when the school week was particularly challenging for him one week, I just came in and offered to help him file his papers when I knew he was going to be hard pressed to get everything done by the end of the day on that Friday.  It was just a small thing and it is normally something he just does himself.  However, offering to help him in that way at that particular moment went a long way in telling him that I loved him.  So keep your eyes open and look for how your "acts of service" child is expressing their love and how you in turn can let them know that you love them too!

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Our middle son has puzzled me in some ways over the years; trying to figure out what the best way is to reach him and work with him throughout the day and in our homeschooling efforts.  As I was "experimenting" with the children on their love languages and quizzing my youngest son as I mentioned in the previous entry, my middle son popped in and right away answered, "Monopoly with Daddy and you!"  Startled at the fact that he had been listening to us, I asked him what he was talking about and he said, "I would rather play a game with you and daddy more than getting a present."  Prompted by this little nugget, I proceeded to observe him throughout the week and watch how his interaction with us and his brothers stabilized as we began to spend more time together in the evening as a family.  I began to see that it didn't matter what we were doing as long as it was together; reading, cooking, watching him do an activity, riding in the car, playing a board game, and so forth.  As a result, I have been able to make purposeful efforts to ensure that he gets the time he needs both in a one-on-one and group setting with mom and dad.  What a difference it has made for his heart and our home!

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In preparation for writing this manual, one of the many books I have re-read this summer from years past has been The Five Love Languages for Children.  As I refreshed my memory on the five languages (i.e. physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, and quality time), I decided to perform some "basic tests" in our home with our children serving as unwitting subjects.  The first test came when I was chatting with our youngest child one night with questions like, "So, if you had a choice, would you rather get a small gift or piece of candy from Daddy when he comes home from work at night or would you rather play a game with him?"  He answered without hesitation, "Oh!  I would like the present, Mommy!"  We went through several rounds of these types of questions and always the "present" won out.  I had already suspected his was "receiving gifts" since he is constantly wrapping up things around the house and giving them to me or his stuffed toys; whoever seems the most interested at the time!  Now on the surface, this "Love Language" seems shallow.  However, the more I observed him that week, I noticed that he was the one to bring me a flower he had found in the backyard, to draw me a picture for no reason, and to share half of his Otter Pop with me when we were in the van going somewhere and he realized I did not have one to enjoy.  Children with this love language not only love to receive but also love to give and see your reaction in return.  In the homeschool setting, see if your "gift receiving" child doesn't respond better to you when you have even a small token to give to them for a "job well done"; pennies, tokens, tickets, or small pieces of candy are all suitable and don't take much to manage.  Another great idea is to purchase a small Lego kit or some other multi-piece toy.  Put it away and then over the course of the week or month, tell them that they can earn a piece out of their new kit each time they do a school assignment or a chore to the best of their ability with a happy heart.  By the time that week or month is over with, they will have earned a new toy!  Next time, we will chat about "Quality Time". 

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The "B-Home" Blog is a short way to refer to The Balanced Homeschooler concepts we will be discussing here.  It also reflects the idea that most of our greatest opportunities to minister to our families and  train as well as teach our children will mostly happens within our own four-walls.  So "B-Home" to make it happen!

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I'm having one of those moments.  Do you know the kind?  You are sitting at your computer at 11:53 p.m. and everything is quiet. Then, it hits you.  Some major milestone in your life has occurred and you are actually observing it; able even to ponder over it before you call it a day.  Today is that day for me as I enjoy the fact that all of the basics are in place for me to finally launch this project that I have been pondering for two years and working on non-stop for three solid months.  God has been so good in bringing together the people, resources, and insight I needed at just the right moments and finally, the manual is done and so is the basic structure of this website.  Wow!  I am thrilled.  More than that, I am grateful that I will be able to work with more moms like you all who are out there and in the thick of your homeschooling and household experiences; side by side and day by day.  I can't wait!

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