DEFINE YOUR ESSENTIALS

While we know that our students can suffer from "the blank page syndrome" when it comes to writing assignments, we adults can become paralyzed by the pen as well.  In a world where people rarely temper their thoughts on social media, we increasingly have issues committing our plans to paper in a way that is thoughtful, strategic, intentional, and comprehensive.  For our homeschools to thrive, then, we need to be willing to commit our "essentials" to paper so that we can be accountable to see those points put into action on a daily basis.  So, what are your essentials not only for the education you deliver to your child(ren) but for the kind of people you want to mentor them, and in the process yourselves, to be?

This is not an article that will tell you what to put down as your "essentials" but, rather, how to approach this often elusive subject.  So, let's look at a few operating principles to consider when working with your spouse to define your list and execute your plan.

1. Start with the ending in mind: - When planning any goal, whether it is as trivial as hosting an event or as important as raising your child(ren), what do you envision the end result to be?  When your child(ren) is/are no longer in your home, what will a successful launch look like?  In fact, what is your family's definition of "success" that has nothing to do with getting top grades or earning a lot of money?  Do a word study or research other sources about how the Bible defines it.  Once you have taken steps to define this area, you can even sharpen or create your family's vision statements.  See this previous blog for more info. about that.
2. Plan all manner of life skills training: - While academics is the focus for most homeschoolers and is vitally important, it cannot be the only area of life skills that we intentionally convey.  So make sure to incorporate practical knowledge about child, home, auto, etc. care.  They should know how to fully care for themselves, respond calmly in emergency situations, and understand other safety situations.  Nutrition discussions, involvement in chores, and inclusion when unusual life situations occur are all part of how your family will learn to navigate and cope with the stresses and unexpected turns of life.  When they are older, teach them how to drive, make sure they learn about personal finances, and help them understand their civic responsibilities.  They will learn more by what you do and how they see you responding than what you say.
3. Develop thinking skills through questions and conversations: - An addiction to headline surfing and scanning instead of reading for context and content has killed long-form writing and, with it, our ability to comprehend larger more complicated concepts.  We fall prey to the trap of binary thinking where every stance or choice is reduced to either "this" or "that" position, leaving no room for context or variations of solutions or discussion.  So, as many abandon critical thinking for emotional reactionism, we must be deliberate about requiring our sons and daughters to think objectively and learn the tools to deconstruct logical fallacies that do nothing to serve either individual progress or the public's interest.
4. Recognize that connecting with others take work and such work requires relational skills: - Too often, parents leave social and relational skills up to chance.  If a child is naturally shy, we make excuses for why they won't make eye contact with adults or speak in an audible voice.  If they are rude or disruptive, we chalk it up to the "terrible twos" or even "those teenage years".  But do relational shortcomings need to bow at the altar of personality traits, or can we help our child(ren) continue to develop their areas of strength while also addressing personal points of weakness?  Of course, the answer is "yes", but it takes work that we are often not willing to do because it takes time that we think we don't have.  So, ask yourself if you make excuses for your child(ren)'s behavior or if you just believe they will "grow out of it" one day.  If that is your tendency, then I encourage you to ask yourself what that rude four-year old, if left unchecked, is going to look like when they are eight or ten or a teenager.  While biological maturity and growth does help in many areas, relational shortcomings do not usually just resolve on their own and, in fact, become more difficult to address as poor habits become further ingrained and accepted by virtue of silent parents.  So understand what I call the "ever-expanding organizational chart" of relationships and how those connections grow overtime in a way that requires different skills and nuanced training in communications so that one day they can confidently interact with all ages of people and positions of authority within a variety of both social and professional settings.
5. Understand where your role begins and ends: - Though parents are the ultimate authority for their children in the early years, move quickly to help them see that you are merely serving as an "agent" for what God has entrusted to you.  They must learn early on that the Lord is the ultimate Authority, Protector, Counselor, Saviour, etc. to which you (the parents) are accountable.  We will not always be around for them to rely upon, so the sooner they understand their need to rely on the ONE who created them, the more confident they will be to take on their faith as their own rather than just associating themselves with the church or thinking of themselves as a Christian because their parents are or because they grew up in the church.  As Barna and others continue to note in their research, a strong majority of young adults tend to leave the church even if they grew up in a church setting.  So if the relationship between your child(ren) and God is not personalized, individualized, and existent apart from you, there is a strong chance that they will not follow the Lord in their adult years.  Help ground them in their faith by making sure they have the tools, resources, relationships, and foundational principles needed for a strong faith that will exist within them and apart from you when you are no longer an essential part of their day-to-day world.

There are no shortcuts along the road of parenting, but being intentional and thorough in each area of life within your family now will give all of you the greatest opportunity of success and satisfaction in every facet of life.  There is also no way that you can work on these points for your child(ren) and not be changed for the better yourselves.  It is a win/win proposition!  For, when you know that you have done all your can in accordance with God's leading in your lives, you can rest assured and live contentedly in the knowledge that you have no regrets and could not have participated in a fuller way (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).  Thus, ours is but to sow generously and leave the harvest to the Lord (2 Corinthians 9:6).  

For more specific help overcoming the "blank page" syndrome in these and other essential areas, check out The Balanced Homeschooler or The Balanced High Schooler for comprehensive guidance and mentoring resources.  

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